“How the fuck do I figure out what to do with my life?” my little sister asked the other day.
“Or maybe that’s just me,” she said.
I think she knew that wasn’t true before she finished typing it.
How many people do you know who have figured out ‘what to do’ with their lives?
I know a few. But most people don’t have a clear picture of what they want to do with their lives. We have ideas about the things we want, sure.
But apart from that we just sort of trundle along waiting for something great to happen to us. I have for years.
I remember in school, it never seemed there were very many career options. As kids, you only really think of the obvious professions; doctor, lawyer, teacher, dentist, vet, fireman, policeman, postman…
Some of us head down those paths.
Most of us end up ejected off the conveyor belt education system with a stack of debt and zero clue about what to do next.
My current job wasn’t on the careers list at school. Neither are most of my friends’.
But you’ve got to pay the bills.
In the knowledge that we have to do something we bounce around on a rough sort of career trajectory, often in a field only generally related to the things we actually have a passion for.
I probably shouldn’t use ‘passion’, it’s a little misleading. It’s more just something you actually care about.
The point is, the pressures and demands of modern life lead most of us into jobs, rather than vocations.
And everyone knows what they want to do with their lives.
We usually just haven’t given it the thought. Or we’ve made so many excuses over the years why we can’t do it, that we’ve forgotten what it was in the first place.
Or, maybe you’re scared that doing something exciting or fun or beautiful, something that you actually give a fuck about, will never work for you.
So, we just give up and do something easy or comfortable that pays the bills and gets you the things you want to buy.
“Yh it’s quite a depressing thought tbh” my sister said.
“It could be.” I replied, ever argumentative 😉
“Gotta use it as motivation I suppose” she countered. She was right, of course.
Everyone knows what they want to do with their lives. If you’re not sure, you’ve got to give yourself the chance and the space to figure it out.
What did you want to be when you were a little kid?
What did you enjoy?
Who did you pretend to be?
If you’re like most people, there’s maybe even a few things you love doing. The things you can talk for hours about. Or things you always wanted to explore.
But even if you still don’t know, and you’re not sure, you can always figure it out. That’s kinda the point.
“But it’s hard, coz I actually don’t know,” said my sister.
“Look at that sentence,” I said.
You just need to give yourself the chance to. If you’ve been telling yourself something for years, you’re actually making it a reality.
But YOU DON’T HAVE TO CHOOSE!
Passions can be flakey. You might think you should be doing and find you don’t actually like doing it. That’s fine. Try something else you like the look of. Life is long.
It doesn’t even have to be a career – think of it as a side hustle.
But you have to give yourself the chance to be happy.
You have to give yourself the chance to work it out. In your head.
Instead of saying, “I don’t know”, try, “I’m figuring it out.”
Or, “I don’t know, yet.”
Or, “I’m working on it.“
I promise you this is not some wishy-washy bullshit. Words are powerful things.
It’s an old saying that your thoughts become your words, become, become your actions, becomes you. Like many old sayings, it’s true.
As soon as you tell yourself something, you’re making it real.
Your brain starts looking ways to make it a reality, and your body follows. It’s just what your body is supposed to do.
It’s the same mechanism as when someone tells you about something and you start to see it everywhere.
So, step 1 is to stop telling yourself you don’t know. Instead start telling yourself that you’re going to figure it out.
Step 2 is to stop asking ‘how‘ and actually start figuring out.
Start asking yourself the key questions;
‘What do/did I like doing?’
‘What am/was I good at?’
‘What do/did I want to know more about?’
Think about the things you loved doing as a child. If you’re not sure, ask your friends and family what they think you’re good at. What questions do they ask you?
Whatever you do DON’T LISTEN to the voice in your head telling you that your being silly even thinking about it, that it’s impossible, that it’ll never work.
They’re wrong. They don’t know. They’re not even you.
Keep asking yourself every day. You’ll get an answer.
And if you’re still not sure, leave me a comment and we’ll figure it out together.
But you probably already have an idea, haven’t you?
You just don’t believe you can do it.
I believe you can.