Ah January – a month so cold even your spots don’t want to break the surface
I suppose you could say that 2018 didn’t go quite how I expected it to! I couldn’t have written a more catastrophic failure — in some respects at least — myself.
In a way, I knew that I was destined to fail but I also knew that I had to start it too; without first making a start, you can’t fail. And you need to fail to be able to learn and to grow, and ultimately, to succeed.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. At the time I was adamant that I wouldn’t fail, that I would continue where thousands of others have fallen before.
Sadly, the past is a far more accurate predictor of the future than fantasy. My tendency to make ‘allowances’ to myself, and to ‘reward’ periods of ‘good’ behaviour with self-destructive partying ended up being a major obstacle.
If I succeed or do well for a bit, for some reason I take that as a license to reward myself by doing the exact opposite of what I’ve succeeded in doing?
That’s not to say 2018 was a complete failure. I made a great deal many more mistakes than under-committing to this project, but, as well as the many lessons learned from these failures, I also had some successes.
A very quick summary of 2018
I’ll be brief; the important details will crop up later, I’m sure.
It was around March that things started to fall apart a little. I ‘rewarded’ myself for the mere fact that a year had passed and went a little hard for my birthday, extending what should have been a fun weekend into a couple of weeks of generally not behaving well.
This ended in a pretty scary mistake, that is far too raw to discuss now.
This mistake snowballed and after a few nerve-wracking weeks of uncertainty, I found myself in a new apartment, on my own, a great deal poorer and with a very clear Warning from the Universe to think about.
Almost accidentally, in less than ideal circumstances but to a great deal of relief — I’d achieved one of my goals; moving into my own — very small — apartment.
Around the time that all this stress was going on — but totally unrelated to — I met and started dating someone very special. We saw a lot of each other over Spring and Summer and were smitten but for various reasons, most of them my fault, we stopped seeing each other at the end of summer. More of that to come later too, I’m sure.
In the interim, I climbed the CN Tower for WWF in 19:01 mins and raised a decent amount of cash — I’ll have to check how much — with the team at work. I’ll be doing it again this year and aiming to beat my time.
I also ran the Sportinglife10k in about 54 mins (I think). By that point though, I hadn’t been exercising for a while and was happy just to complete it; my feet were ruined for weeks afterwards. This year, I’ll be fitter for it; I sent the team email out this week and we’ve got decent numbers so far.
I had a very crazy weekend in NYC & Jersey Shore and went to LA for the first time for a close friend’s graduation.
But at the end of summer, my already faltering attempts at routine and health slowed further. I started yoga but apart from a 3 weeks stint going every day, couldn’t keep up a decent morning routine.
Finally, I went home for Xmas to spend it with family and friends, which couldn’t have been better. A good time to reflect too.
Expectations for 2019
This year, I have approached my goal-setting with a little more rigour, and broken down the key ones into component parts, little things that I have to do every day — as hinted at by the name.
I underestimated how small 1% was before, especially 1% of something that is very little in the first place. So, I have started with implementing a few key things, sticking to them and building from there, rather than trying to take on too much at once and then failing.
I’ll be playing guitar for 10mins a day. This isn’t much, but my goal is to be great in 20 years time so I’m not too worried about it for now. There’s a new simple morning routine and a few other things. More on that later too.
I’ll be adding on key new habit a month, as I figure that’s how long it takes to get one good and properly stuck in. It’s tempting to try and do more but it’s important to just focus on the small increments.
I’ll finish writing a book, a few hundred words at a time. Don’t think it’s going to be good but at least it’ll be. Then I can crack on with writing something better.
Update on January
I did a 2 day fast and a week detox in January, but am limping out of 2018 at my heaviest since 2016. Fitness and motivation to work out are at a very low, but I’ve been eating relatively healthily.
February is going to be a month with much more focus and discipline, which is my theme for the year. Socializing is often my weakness — and my excuse to drop whatever regime I’m trying.